What to Do When Your Crush Likes Your Friend

6 min read · Beta Genz

If you are figuring out what to do when your crush likes your friend, start here: feel it for a day, check you have actually read the signs right, then decide whether to say anything to your friend. Do not sabotage them and do not fake being fine. The friendship is the thing you can keep, so protect it while the crush feelings fade.

If you keep replaying every conversation trying to work out where you stand, The Map helps you see it clearly and gives you one small step a night. Find where you stand

First: let yourself feel it

This one stings in a very specific way. It is rejection and jealousy at the same time, and you cannot even vent to your usual person because your usual person is involved.

So give yourself a minute.

• Cry, scream into a pillow, listen to the saddest playlist you own.
• Vent to someone outside the situation: a sibling, a cousin, a friend from another school, a journal.
• Do not post vague sad lyrics. Everyone will decode them in about four seconds.

Feeling jealous of your friend does not make you a bad friend. Acting on it in mean ways would. That is the line.

Are you sure? Check the signs your crush likes your friend

Before you spiral, make sure it is real. A lot of "my crush likes my best friend" moments turn out to be just friendliness.

If you heard it directly from them, or from a reliable mutual, it is real. If you pieced it together from one Instagram like, slow down.

How to know if your friend likes your crush back

Watch for her bringing him up a lot, getting giggly when he texts, or asking you what you think of him. Or just listen: friends usually tell each other eventually.

Should you tell your friend you like them too?

This is the big question, and there is no single right answer. Here is how to think about it.

Tell her if:

• You are close and honesty is normal between you.
• She might accidentally hurt you by asking you to help set them up.
• You want her to hear it from you, not from the group chat.

Maybe keep it to yourself if:

• It was a small crush and you already feel it fading.
• Telling her would just pressure her to back off.
• You are not that close and it would be awkward forever.

What to actually say

If you decide to tell her, keep it short and take the pressure off:

"Okay, slightly awkward, but I had a crush on him for a bit. I'm not telling you so you'll back off. I just didn't want it to be weird later. I'm good, I promise."

What you are doing here is being honest without asking her to fix your feelings.

If your friend likes them back

This is the hardest version. Your crush likes your friend and your friend likes them too. Maybe they start dating.

• Do not ask her to choose. "Him or me" ends friendships.
• Take space if you need it. "I'm happy for you, I just need a bit before I'm third-wheeling" is fair.
• Skip the group hangouts with them for a while. You do not have to sit through it.
• Do not talk badly about them. It always gets back.
• Give it a few weeks. It feels permanent. It almost never is.

If you need ideas for what to do while you wait it out, the 30-day plan to get over a crush you see every day was made for exactly this.

The hard bit is that you keep guessing: does he really like her, did I misread it, was there ever a chance? The Map asks you a few questions and shows you where you actually stand with someone, then gives you one small thing to do each night instead of overthinking. Find where you stand

If your friend does not like them back

Plot twist: your crush likes your friend, but she is not interested. This can feel weirdly worse, because now you are watching someone you like chase someone who does not care.

• Do not use it as an opening right away. Being someone's rebound from your own friend is messy.
• Do not become the messenger. If he asks you to put in a good word, it is okay to say "I'd rather stay out of it."
• Let it settle. If you still like him in a couple of months, and he is clearly over her, then things might be different.

How to move on without losing your friend

What to do when your crush doesn't like you is the same whether it is your friend or a stranger: shift your attention, slowly.

1. Mute, do not block. Mute his stories so you are not checking.
2. Plan one-on-one time with your friend that has nothing to do with him.
3. Find a new focus. A sport, a club, a show, a different friend group for a bit.
4. Notice when it stops hurting. One day she mentions him and you just do not care. That is the finish line.

The friendship is often worth more than the crush. A crush lasts a semester. A best friend can last ten years.

When it is the other way around: what if your friend likes your crush

Now flip it. Your best friend likes your crush, and you liked him first. What to do if your best friend likes your crush:

• Say it early. "Hey, I kind of like him too" is easier in week one than month three.
• Agree on a rule together. Some friends agree neither of them goes for it. Others agree whoever he picks, the other is cool. Decide together.
• Let him have a say. He is a person, not a prize. If he likes one of you, that is his call.
• Choose the friendship out loud. "Whatever happens, we're good" goes a long way.

If you are planning something for your friends instead of a crush, these Galentine's Day ideas for teens are a good reset.

See where you really stand, then take one small step

What to do when your crush likes your friend comes down to knowing what is real and what is your brain spiraling. The Map shows where you stand with the person you like and gives you one small thing to do a night, so you stop guessing. You can try it without an account, and you will see the unlock price before you pay.

Find where you stand

FAQ

What do you do when your crush likes your best friend?

Let yourself be upset, check that it is actually true, then decide whether to tell your friend. Do not sabotage them or ask her to choose. Take space if you need it and focus on keeping the friendship.

Should I tell my friend I like my crush?

If you are close and it might come up anyway, yes, keep it short and say you are not asking her to back off. If the crush is small and fading, you can keep it to yourself. Either is okay as long as you are not passive-aggressive about it.

What if my friend likes my crush and I liked him first?

Liking someone first does not mean you own the crush. Talk to your friend early, agree on how you will handle it, and let him make his own choice. Saying "whatever happens, we're good" protects the friendship.

How do I know if my crush likes someone else?

Look for him texting her first, asking about her, or telling friends. One like or one laugh is not proof. If you are unsure, The Map can help you see where you stand with him instead of guessing.

How do you stop being jealous of your friend?

Remind yourself she did nothing wrong, mute what makes it worse, and spend time with her that has nothing to do with him. Jealousy fades when you stop feeding it. Give it a few weeks.